Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
