the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
