new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
