he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i now understand why vodka
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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