90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
