I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize