I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
