I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
