went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
