I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
