i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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