All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
