you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize