That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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