I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
