we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
