i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I deserve this hangover.
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