If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think people are normalizing furries
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
