Non-Jews are for practice
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
pray to the hookup gods
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
