i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize