First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
thus making me awesome and them whores
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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