This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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