i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
