worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
