So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
