My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's shark week go big or go home
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
