I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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