Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
