i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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