I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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