didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
