thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
