just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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