is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
