And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
