Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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