Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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