I wanna passion pit in your ass
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
