My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize