Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
