happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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