I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm too high and old for this...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
