whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
