you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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