Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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