Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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