I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
