my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
