Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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