oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
