I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize