Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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