last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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