Your mouth is God's brothel.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
