I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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