yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
