so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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