I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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