I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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