he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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