I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When are your genitals available?
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