Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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