Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
