do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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