There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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