Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize