erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
