dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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