If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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