remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
