Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
