4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
