honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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