I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
