my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's never too late to be topless.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
