Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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