I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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