I heard we made out
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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