On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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