lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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