We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
