is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
