I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
