I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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