The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
