i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
