I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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