I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
