i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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