Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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