so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
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there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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