there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
