dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She even gives head with a lisp.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize