Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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