I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
