i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there's paper in my vomit.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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