I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
