No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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