I want to walk on stilts...naked
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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