It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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